Its been a long week

Its been long as hell this week. Raeshawn birthday was the 12th, his party was the 14th, i had this and that going on, and tonight, my world came crashing down around me.
I just smoked a nice huge blunt. I dont even care that im on probation, or that I had been clean for 4 months and it hadnt even bothered me. I dont know. Last night i posted a bulletin about how i had such a good night, how i had enjoyed myself spending the night with my family eating popcorn and watching movies, and then had a good time alone with my husband. Tonight im high as a kite with puffy eyes crying to almost a complete stranger, sipping on my pepsi smoking a newport and trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
I had plans to go out tonight with my girlfriend. My husband told me it was okay yesterday. Now, I come home from seeing my p.o today, and i decided to take a nap till it was time for me to get ready. I wake up, to him telling me that when i get home tonight we need to talk. Then he starts yelling at me saying i delete my myspace messages (GROW UP AND STOP CHECKIN BEHIND ME) and when i tell him im not, he go into this big blah blah blah about how he checks the history and he can see things are deleted blah blah. I told him im not deleting them, he calls me a liar, and we get into a screamin match for 20 minutes. I finally lay back down, and wake up 20 minutes later with, You cant go out tonight i got to go to jr house. He need me. For what? To watch him and his girl argue all night?? To get drunk as hell and not make it the fuck home till the day, as usual? What? The last time i went out was my girl aleens birthday back in february. Its been 2 months since i been out, its been 2 days since he been out. You gotta be kidding me. So I go to call kelly and tell her why i aint coming out tonight, and he grabs the phone from me and bangs on her. Calls his other cousin, and then throws the phone back at me. I gets done making dinner and i go back upstairs, and this negro is packing his fuckin bag with all his clothes!! Im like, what the fuck just happened? It went from talking when i get home to you packin your bags in 0.2 seconds.. What did i miss?
So after 3 hours of smart ass remarks to him, and taking the keys and him takin them back, to him throwing some tree i was breaking up into the damn air so that was 5$ down the drain. Oh yeah, and breaking my brand new 30$ cdman because i told him i didnt want him to take it.
Mind you, I have an appointment in the morning to get this lump on my throat checked out. It took me a long ass time to get this appointment. I could have had throat cancer for the last 4 months and wouldnt know it, cuz i aint care enough to go to the doctors. Now i finally have an appoinment, and you decide to leave me the night before? what the fuck? Oh, and a 200$$$$$ Focus group tomorrow night, that pays CASH. Asshole. And idiot. I hope im dying so he can feel like an asshole.
Now my head hurts. So now you all know, why i needed to smoke a blunt. Im going to bed. After i make something to eat. You know a bitch got the munchies.

Its crazy

So anyways, back to what I was saying. The next person is Aimee, my aunt. She is the backbone of my family. Without her, we would have fallen apart a LONG time ago. She is there for me everytime i need her, and i also dont ever thank her enough. She does everything she can for me and my kids, and when i had nothing she made sure my kids were ok. and i will always love her for that.

And i guess thats really it. I mean, I have plenty more family and friends who mean the world to me. I have a few friends, not many, because the friends that i thought i had werent really my friends. But the ones I have decided to keep around, I do because I know that they only have my best interest at heart.

Ive recently started a new relationship with my real father. For a long time, I hated him and everything about him, for not being in my life until i was 16. But ive grown up, and accepted that the past is the past, and theres nothing i can do to change it. and if i want to have a good relationship with him, i can only control what happens in the future.


On to a lighter note, my kids had a great easter. We woke up, did an easter egg hunt, went through their baskets, and ate breakfast. Then my mom picked all 7 of us up and we went to her house. We did baskets, had dinner, and another easter egg hunt. Gram came over, and some of mommy's friends. We had a good time.

Yesterday was crazy, after a long day of hard work i come home to a fight with forty. That lasted all night long. Its always the same arguement, and its getting old. I love him to death, i just wish he would grow up sometimes. thats all.

I was going to register raeshawn for kindergarten today, amongst some other errands i had to run, but forty didnt want to watch the kids all day and all night, since i got my marykay meeting tonight. Speaking of that, I need to get ready to go. :)

Hello Hello!

Allow me to introduce myself! I am Dymend, mother of 5, wife of 1, daughter of 4, sister to 6, auntie to 2, and friend to everyone!
My children are my everything! Everything that i do, is all for them. I do not do anything in this world without thinking about my children first. Now it wasnt always that way, there was a time i was young, dumb, and didnt know this from that but swore i did. But the time came that i had to grow up. And i want to send a special thanks to my mother, my aunts, and my husband for helping me do that. Raeshawn, Aaliyah, Jaedyn, Jermaine Jr, and Javonte. My babies.

My husband and I were meant to be together. We know everything about eachother, and the funny thing is, we have crossed paths before just never knew it! The night I met him, i knew there was something special about him. About a month into our relationship we exchanged the "i love you's" We were instantly drawn to eachother, connected in a way that i still to this day cannot comprehend much less explain. Something about him.. And funny thing is, I had recently gotten out of a messed up relationship, that really hurt bad when it came to an end. So i told myself, I will not fall in love with this guy. I will not let my guard down. But somehow, no matter how hard i tried, i couldnt help falling in love with him. And he fell in love just as quick. I was the bonnie to his clyde, the sun to his moon, and the up to his down all at the same time, as was he to mine. We were married on November 11th, 2005. We have our ups and downs, but no matter what i know his love is unconditional, for me and my kids, and i couldnt ask for anything more.

My mommy. I love her more than any word could ever describe. She has been through so much, raising me, and through her own life difficulties. Growing up she was a drunk, and later i found out she was on drugs as well, but i only knew about the drinking at the time. I hated her in so many ways for the responsabilities i had to help with my brothers, to be there to wipe the tears from her eyes when she had a drunk emotional outburst, to only know the smell of beer on her breathe. I blamed her for me getting raped, because I felt she should have prevented it. But with time i forgave her, and now know it wasnt her fault, but back then I hated her for it. After giving birth to my first child at 17, he was a couple weeks old, and she came in the house drunk as hell without any pants on (which we all laugh about now but it wasnt funny then) and tried to pick up my 6 week old son. I told her that if she ever touched my son again while she was drunk she would never see him again. After a lot of drama, she went into rehab shortly after, and has been clean ever since. And ever since, she has been the glue holding me together. I am so proud of her for getting clean, and getting her life together, and i dont tell her enough how much i appreciate her. She has been through so much, not only with me but with her crappy relationships with men, with my brothers, with life in general, and somehow she still manages to be a mother to me and a grandmother to my kids and keep her life in order. She is a successful business woman, she own 2 business's, Mary Kay and The Ravens Nest Wellness Center, while working part time at a successful ad agency. She manages to do all that and still make time to take me food shopping, drive me around when im stuck, and drop everything if i really need her. And for that, i love her so much. And i dont tell her enough. So if your reading this mommy, I love you so much, and im so sorry that i dont tell you enough.

Thats enough for now. I will tell you all about my aunts and the rest of my family and life later or tomorrow. My fingers are cramping lol.